Jaws + Me = BFF's

Despite the every day grind of housewivery, a certain simple, yet arduous task takes place that can change the entire ambiance of a room: vacuuming.

This relatively simple task often becomes the last chore on the list because it requires removing toys and other objects out of the way. In the likely event that the mass of toys becomes too large to move, vacuuming around them morphs their existence from play things into "immovable object" status, along with couches, bookshelves and dressers.

The time commitment involved once the vacuum has left it's nearly permanent home quickly evolves into a bit of a vortex. Pumpkin scampering across the vacuumed floor with her trail of crumbs and coloring book bits also turns a once over into a thrice over.

Depending on the weekly schedule, vacuuming occurs at a varied interval of tidiness: daily (for Pumpkin's allergies), every other day, a few times a week, weekly and bi-weekly even. Admittedly, the first-Tuesday-of-the-month city siren tests and my vacuuming schedule have run in tandem in recent past.

Fortunately, most judgement of the cleanliness of a room melts away at the sight of a vacuumed floor. What Mom could deny the beautiful pattern that vacuum precision makes in the carpet, swoosh by swoosh of the running brush and suction, like waves in the sand? God forbid the pitter patter of little feet again leave their mark on the evenly placed rows that can take years of practice shoving and yanking such a noisy appliance.

My frustration and boredom living the life of an at-home mom/housemaid began smoldering like Manua Loa. I decided to mix it up and pulled out the hose attachment for some cheap thrills.

Typically, I would only use it to suck up live bugs and spiders because I didn't want to feel them crunching in my hand or clean up the mess they left behind.

Hose attachments make eradicating insects scads easier with the range of suction they offer. I rarely needed to touch the end of the hose to the bug. I simply placed it in their general direction and waved it around, somewhat purposefully. A tiny, "click -click" down the hose and I knew my prayer was answered.

The hose attachment could also complicate matters as quickly as it alleviated a desperate Bug vs. "Brave Mommy" situation. With one foul swoop, the vacuum screamed up an octave, about to dislodge my curtains from the feeble screws that held the hangers in place.

Today I started with the hose aimed at a tiny knot of white string beneath Pumpkin's bed that stared squarely back at me for months because the vacuum couldn't reach it. It felt like a shoot out at the OK Corral. I flipped Jaws from floor to hose suction immediately. I aimed....adios, amigo. Truth be told, I'm just a lone cowgirl following the Hopalong Cassidy Creed, number eight, "Be neat and clean." (It's for real: http://www.hopalong.com/creed.htm )

Next, I moved on to a giant ball of carpet fluff that laid there for equally as long as the string, if not longer. Soon after I started to notice the crumby carpet at the wall's edge of where the vacuum ceased to suck. The floor boards looked a little grayer than they should, so I gave it a run by with the hose as well. I moved on to the sides of the doorways in the hallway and caught a couple of loose strings of carpet and more dust all disappearing in an instant!

One might assume this was my first contact with a hose attachment, and honestly I did use it fairly infrequently because I rarely had the time after vacuuming the rest of the floor.

The 2 minutes of sucking the corners of the carpeted floors easily turned into 20 because, inexplicably, I started to feel like Super Mom. My self esteem grew from average to extraordinary. I felt like such a good Mom removing the nitty gritty household dust and dirt. Soon I began having visions of "ching" sounds and sparkles gleaming from the corners of my house as neighbors passed by while I twirled like the poised June Cleaver.

The master bath satisfied my need for clean the most. Some might argue the "kid(s) bathroom" exists as the dirtiest room in the house. However, if a guest needed to use the bathroom, I would suggest waiting in line before offering up the master bath.

All moms know that no matter how dirty little kids can get, adults will grow things that put grimy kid bathrooms to shame. Even with my scrutinizing gaze, I didn't notice what lay on the corners and perimeter of the master bathroom floor that soon disappeared in nano seconds! Mommy's Magic Wand suddenly became the perfect remedy for a private matter. Thank God for HEPA filters.