I would like to pay tribute to all of the conveniences modern housewifery has embraced in more recent years, although I don't fully understand why they didn't exist sooner. Before I share my list of priceless items I encountered doing motherhood, I must forewarn my faithful readers.Disclaimer:
Parents shall determine the suitability of the product for his or her intended use and shall assume all risk and liability in connection therewith. Parents must read all instruction manuals and follow the manufacturer's guidelines. Mom cannot accept responsibility for injury and/or crash damage or loss of limb, parts and materials that occurs during the use of any of the products below. Great Care should be taken when using products related to Mom's recommendations.
Mom accepts NO responsibility for crash damage. It is impossible to determine for certain whether crash damage resulted from crazy spawn or genetic error. Stable mental polarity must be properly observed before applying cleaning recommendations. Mom is not responsible in any way for any and all bodily injurie(s) and/or property damage that may occur from the use of these items.
In no event shall Mom or her Pumpkin be liable for indirect, incidental, special, exemplary, punitive, or consequential damages of any nature including, but not limited to the loss of sanity, coupons, scheduled daily naps, or random socks.
First came kitchen garbage can lids, then scented candles which have existed for ages. Even the Diaper Genie folks understood stink enough to scent their "Stage 2" diaper receptacle bags because things get smellier as they progress, so why not kitchen garbage bags?
Other things stink and have stunk for eons that don't involve diapers, so...what took so long? I don't care if it's lemon scented or "fresh" scented, so long as the smell of old banana peel and last night's dinner doesn't diffuse into my general direction, I'm happy to pay for them.
DVR
I can't say how many times I've missed the end of a good show I watch once a week to go change a pull up or settle down my restless Pumpkin. With the help of the DVR, I don't have to choose between the two. I can do both! Oprah also airs the same time as Sesame Street, so if I'm folding laundry, learning about noses or the letter of the day suits Pumpkin a tad better than watching Lisa Ling's investigative report from a polygamist compound while I attempt to explain the disproportionate child:daddy ratio.
My words can not express the gratitude I also feel for avoiding about 15 minutes of commercial time for every hour of television it records. VCR's worked well, if you didn't mind the fuzzy picture and worn down quality after a couple of replays. The DVR, however, is brilliant.
I have certainly paid my dues lugging tu-tus of paper towels around from window to window until they morphed into dusty, blue wads. Towards the end, the squishy hunk of worn down paper towels spreads more dust than they removed. Handi-wipes have been around for years, so why not wipes for windows?
These handy little cloths, with a coupon, make cleaning windows almost enjoyable; I'm just not certain why they haven't come to fruition sooner either. I could've avoided years of hands smelling like cleaner for the rest of an afternoon, along with my face and arms because the powerful mist created by the giant bottle of window cleaner should be reserved only for large ferns and other low light greenery.
I actually cannot imagine my life without these. Sean introduced them to me after watching me wet a wash cloth and wipe down the kitchen counter after lunch one day, something I've always done, my mother always did, her mother always did and so on and so forth. If the wash cloth's dirty, though, I'm only adding to the germs, right? Now I don't have to rinse out the washcloth, smell test its viability or launder it when finished! With a flick of the wrist -Voila! Clean and sanitary all in one!
These go everywhere with me and I actually get excited when I think of all the germs dying by the millions when I wipe out the bathroom sink, wipe down door handles or wipe off a messy high chair. I knew I became addicted when I started estimating how much cleaner the receptionist's desk/counter at the doctor's office could be with just a swipe of these wipes.
-Hi, my name is Mom. I'm a clean freak.
-"Hello, Mom."
-Hi, my name is Mom. I'm a clean freak.
-"Hello, Mom."
I took Pumpkin for a walk one late Spring day and heard about 5 sneezes in a row before I realized she didn't have a stuffy nose at all. Mr. Sun was biting her in the eyes! Poor baby! I tried draping a blanket over the top of the stroller to provide some shade until I realized her only view was pavement and manicured grass. Not the picturesque landscape I'd care for either on a nice, sunny day.
I turned the corner onto the nicer neighborhood across the street (where it always is, of course) when I spotted a woman walking her baby with a giant, extended stroller hood attachment that could end my plight! It was like fancy rims, except for the roof, and had an SPF of 50! Bulls eye!
I immediately ran to Babies 'R' Us and got one that night, and it remained fixated atop Pumpkin's old stroller ever since. I left it attached when I tried donating it to Good Will earlier this month, but they wouldn't take it for alleged "safety reasons." I'm not sure I blame them, however. See: http://bit.ly/Z2TS2
My Grandma used to tell me that mosquito bites meant I tasted sweet to the little buggers. I even remember seeing a Mr. Wizard that showed people who ate bananas got more mosquito bites...for whatever reason. I love bananas and found myself turning them down to avoid the itchy bumps!
As I got older, long walks at sunset became my favorite part of the day, but on a date, I had to forego the stink laden DEET if I wanted any chance of a smooch by date's end. Seriously. The one date I wore mosquito repellent hiking through Starved Rock, we ended as "good friends," before date two.
These clip on repellents are odor free and I'm odor free too! Finally, an allergy friendly, smelly-DEET-on-my-arms free solution to the insects that kill more people each year than any other creature on earth. Knowing this, I should probably have much more fear towards these pests than I do, but I don't.
Toilet Wand
I struggled with the squeezy toilet bowl cleaner and a scrubbing brush for ages because nothing else existed. I've also heard the foaming stuff works well, but I can't find it for some reason and I'm under the strong impression that without elbow grease, nothing is truly clean. Things like sink bowls and toilet bowls require scrub action of some sort, but the brush didn't reach the corners well enough and gave me an unwanted spritz of nastiness if I accidentally flicked the brush outside of the bowl while cleaning the outer edge.
I really like the Clorox toilet wand deal. It's like a Brillo pad, but for the toilet. It reaches the corners and under the brim really well, and I don't have to look at it when I'm done -I just throw it away! The first time I used it, I disgusted myself by how much ucky-ucks remained from previous "cleanings" with the brush I immediately threw away for good. Loading the handle with a wand refill can be tricky, however. I'd probably have an easier time if I wore my yellow, "Watch out, Germs," gloves each and every time, but I occasionally get in a rush trying to knock out chores as though I'm playing Whack a Mole at Chuck-E-Cheese.
I struggled with the squeezy toilet bowl cleaner and a scrubbing brush for ages because nothing else existed. I've also heard the foaming stuff works well, but I can't find it for some reason and I'm under the strong impression that without elbow grease, nothing is truly clean. Things like sink bowls and toilet bowls require scrub action of some sort, but the brush didn't reach the corners well enough and gave me an unwanted spritz of nastiness if I accidentally flicked the brush outside of the bowl while cleaning the outer edge.
I really like the Clorox toilet wand deal. It's like a Brillo pad, but for the toilet. It reaches the corners and under the brim really well, and I don't have to look at it when I'm done -I just throw it away! The first time I used it, I disgusted myself by how much ucky-ucks remained from previous "cleanings" with the brush I immediately threw away for good. Loading the handle with a wand refill can be tricky, however. I'd probably have an easier time if I wore my yellow, "Watch out, Germs," gloves each and every time, but I occasionally get in a rush trying to knock out chores as though I'm playing Whack a Mole at Chuck-E-Cheese.
Conclusion:
Most, if not all of these items I stumbled upon, but loved immediately. Any household item that didn't improve or simplify my efforts as a hard at work, non-commercially employed wife/mother didn't survive a second glance on store shelves my next time through.
Needing so much patience with Pumpkin, I sought out opportunities that allowed me to discriminate. One grocery trip, they're in. The next, they're out. What mom has time to withstand a manufacturer's lack of foresight or inferior design? Dinner must get cooked, potty cleaned, laundry folded and pull-up pulled up the rest of the way.
Our decisions as home manager carry more weight than perhaps we realize. We state our opinions with the family budget. The most powerful economic voice of all lies in us perhaps more than any other. We are the meal makers. "We are the dreamers of dreams." -Arthur O'Shaughnessy
