Drumroll, please ::brum brum brum brum brum...::.......................
And.....it's a partial stick, this year! I organized one out of 4 undersides of the sinks and one out of four closets -a 25% return on my commitment. Unfortunately, I fully consider this a flat out fail because of my resolution's direct correlation to my fluctuating level of motivation that surprisingly seems to spike whenever I hear Bon Jovi's "It's My Life." Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware my life serves at the will and whimsy of Pumpkin's potty fluctuations. Yet, I'm urged by the conviction I feel from the very next line, "It's now or never..." which usually guilts me into following through on my wavering January 1st resolve: Cluttery mess, Adieu in 52.
My lack of dedication to more time consuming household tasks doesn't however diminish my candidacy for the Mommy Corps of Engineers:
- Occasionally Relevant,
- Sleeve-Instead-of-Kleenex Ready,
- Perceived as Responsible,
- Snack Time Reliable (because then I can snack too.)
Although not regularly appreciated, the Mommy Corps of Engineers pursue sustainable infrastructure as their most critical goal.Usually a sustainable child rearing infrastructure refers to anything built or used in a way that contributes to the overall sustainability of pseudo-natural resources such as Desitin, Goldfish, diapers and mostly clean clothes. My ability to conserve these resources relates directly to my level of desperation; I have been known to cut open a tube of Desitin and scrape out just enough with my finger to make it last. Afterward, I'll put the tube in a plastic zip-loc baggie so it doesn't dry out if, Heaven help me, I have to use it again before Sean comes back with more.
Said infrastructure typically relies heavily on carbohydrate consumption and caffeine use, two of the most high profile engineering resources, but will occasionally involve reliable cell phone batteries and nap times as major contributors to an overall good day. And although the Mommy Corps requires efficiency over previous generations of technology and construction, it readily submits to the Law of Genetic Predisposition -that all mothers possess eerily similar characteristics, if not full embodiment, of their own mothers incarnate.
Additionally, the Mommy Corps of Engineers dedicates itself to disciplined thought and action to deliver innovative solutions to household engineering. For example, when my vacuum choked on a tube sock, snapping the belt in two while emitting a dark, dank odor, I turned duct tape inside out and patted it around the bathroom floor to pick up the pieces of hair hiding in the corners until I found the belt replacement. The shoe molding around the bathroom floor's perimeter never looked cleaner!
And when Pumpkin began to get physical in her crib when nap time morphed into more play time, she broke one of the wooden bars. I grabbed the Elmer's wood glue, but had no tool to hold the glued halves in place. Two uber sparkly stegosaurus stickers did the trick since they had more sticky surface area as quadrupeds. Now they remain as a permanent fixture on the old, beat up crib; I honestly couldn't scratch them off when I tried.
Situations will arise that may require mental engineering to help reduce risks from disasters. For instance, when Pumpkin hadn't pooped in nearly a week and absolutely refused to eat her stool softener, I let her have two tablespoons of chocolate chips after every meal, including breakfast. A day and a half later, problem solved! Not ideal, per se, but effective and harmless.
All dedicated members of the Mommy Corps of Engineers strive to coordinate and integrate geospatial information requirements and standards across the family. Translation: when Daddy enters a house amidst chaos, Mommy keeps him fully informed of where not to step when the floor hasn't been swept but the stairs did get vacuumed, where not to sit when the apple juice spilled on the couch and which garbage to remove immediately upon arriving home (the one with the most diapers in it, except on the off-chance I cleaned out the frig only because I ran out of vacant, cheapy Tupperware wannabe containers.)
In order to maintain civility, another goal of geospatial synchronicity involves successfully managing the following 3 main chaotic areas/situations of:
1- Where toys go after play time because I've admittedly sworn aloud after stepping on Legos,
2- Where fingers remain when boogies allegedly need digging out because, try as I may, I can't refund my lifetime membership to the Eating Uckies Viewer Club nor can I avoid being touched by said uckies in public or private, and
3- Where nudey booties absolutely must stay put after bath time because I have a 4 year old showgirl on my hands who loves to dance nekkit in front of open curtains -sweet Lord, help me!!
And although repeating instructions to curb any visible pandemonium may not necessarily strengthen my family's security, it may help energize our interactions by simultaneously employing a "Good Choices" chart. Note: stickers placed on this particular chart to earn larger rewards are for especially good behavior and not a simple, "Excuse me!" after farting on me square in the face while I help Pumpkin tuck her shirt in.
The arduous task of raising decent, contributing members of society never ends, but keeping ourselves calm, collected and pulled-together at home as well as in the grocery store during a sleep-deprived temper tantrum gives us the right to claim victory and earns us the ranking of General amongst the many, the proud (so long as they're well behaved), the Mommy Corps of Engineers.
